crv

2012-01-26T01:13:00.001-05:00

Which of Tracy Jordan's fake movies do you most want to be made? for me, its a tie between Fat Bitch and Who Dat Ninja.

2012-01-26T01:05:00.003-05:00

so a few weeks ago i watched this movie. i will watch almost any film (that streams on netflix) about tortured romance set against a war. based on the brief netflix rundown and the fact that its a german film, i thought this was going to be a kind of gritty movie about a german woman in berlin who has a forbidden love affair with a russian after berlin fell. boy oh boy was i wrong. more like a super graphic movie about the russians coming in and brutally raping all the women they could get their hands on. probably very realistic but ouch, hard to watch. in summation, don't watch this movie, you guys.

anyway, i've been listening to a lot of george harrison lately.

i read this quote yesterday and turned into an adult

2011-06-16T17:47:00.000-04:00

“I believe in and advocate monogamy. Adultery is hitting below the belt. If I ever married the very fact that the woman was my wife would be sufficient to convince me that she was superior to all other women. My vanity is excessive. Wherever I sit is the head of the table. This fact makes me careless of ordinary politeness. I don’t like to be made much of. Such things please only persons who are doubtful about their position. I was sure of mine, such as it is, at the age of 12.”

H.L. Mencken

2011-03-26T00:21:00.004-04:00

not terribly clever but

2011-02-08T23:30:00.002-05:00

i'm shocked i've never uttered the phrase "i can see russia from my vagina" whilsttttt intoxicated before.

Sarah Palin Media Addict from Gina Gershon

last week

2011-02-08T00:51:00.001-05:00

beetlebum

2011-01-17T17:41:00.006-05:00

Once in college, I met some dude at a party at Purdue and after a pretty hot makeout session in the girls bathroom at sigma chi, we continued to talk on AIM for a couple months afterwards. I even came up to Chicago with him and got drunk at his brother's place in Wrigleyville (of courrrrse) one weekend. His screen name was Parklife81 (I don't really remember the numbers but that's I think 81 is a pretty good guess). I probably just should've married him and gotten the first one over with. Such is life.

Happy 2011.

2010-11-18T00:44:00.001-05:00

i once dated a guy who would try to wake me up for sex by whispering "sshhhh, just let it happen" in my ear.

subsequently i dated another dude who would roll over in the morning, stick his erection into my leg (or whatever part of my body was there) and say "pokey, pokey."

I can't wait to die alone.

heard this at brunch yesterday

2010-11-15T15:46:00.002-05:00

its been in my head since. put it on while we clean & now my roommate and i are rocking the fuck out

remember when this was in the movie big business? if you don't, we probably shouldn't be friends

wait wait wait

2010-11-07T21:48:00.003-05:00

Michelle and I are watching The Amazing Race and we REALLLLLLYYYY want to be on that shit. So much so that I actually googled the app process. I think I'm mostly interested because they're in St. Petersburg; I've read so many books about the revolution that I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even need a map to get around and I could totally own that shit. Also, theyre playing some game where you throw a stick at some other sticks and you get points. ummmm, when I'm drunk, i would be SO GOOD at that!

That said, I don't think I would fare well on the traditional Amazing Race. I think Michelle and I would really shine in a Drinking Amazing Race. Instead of learning to play an accordian or solving a puzzle during roadblocks, the challenge would be leaving a bar after three SoCoLime shots and four vodka tonics while "Crazy in Love" is playing. I would NEVER be able to do that!! What if you KNEW that El Scorcho was gonna follow that up? Or a Daft Punk song?!?!

Another sample challenge would be to make it from, lets say, Chicago to Milwaukee. Scene: It's 3 pm on a Friday and you're in Wicker Park. Your car is in Wrigleyville and you need to be in Milwaukee by 8. Do you try and make it to the car and fight traffic? Take Amtrak? Take the el to Evanston and try and make some moves from there?!?! What if you HAVE TO drink a shot every 25 minutes? Whats the best option then?? What if you run into an exboyfriend on the way to Wrigley and he wants to talk about feelings?! What if one of your travel partners is REALLY hungover and needs to stop at Jimmy Johns. You guys, I would be SO FUCKING GOOD at that.

Why haven't I started my own production company yet??

hey you guysss

2010-11-04T21:28:00.003-05:00

Christmas is less than two months away...

GPOYW

2010-10-27T23:15:00.001-04:00

today totally felt like this

2010-08-27T20:59:00.002-04:00

two weeks from today:

2010-07-11T20:53:00.003-04:00

* my birthday

* Mad Men S4 premiere

Even with special guest appearances by some awesome friends and family popping into the fine city of Chicago for the weekend, I think I might be more excited about Mad Men? JK y'all, I'm way more excited for all the birthday dinners, dance parties, champagne, awesome decisions and shots shots shot shots shots shots.

I am still recovering from the move from hell last week - including a huge fire in my last building four days before our move that kept us out of our apartment for two days which meant we had to pack almost everything in about 36 hours while breathing in smoke. That was so much fun. But its fine because now we can get icream anytime we want. Totally worth it.

Also, my ipod broke so I've been carting around this beaut for about a week. Someone actually stopped me today when I was getting coffee to compliment me on my "awesome retro ipod." Think that thing is circa 2004 - it holds a charge for about 70 minutes before it dies. (Cough cough birthday in two weeks)

Wow, that sounds like lots of Debbie Downer-ing but I swear, besides the move, things have never been better :) Okay, I'm off to play some softball (9PM, wtf???) during a thunderstorm.

2010-06-14T23:56:00.002-04:00

pretty sure the goog read my email and knew exactly what i was about to search for...

+++

2010-06-01T17:49:00.003-04:00

* wearing a nightgown around the house over my swimsuit all afternoon post beach

* cheese and wine for dinner every night in the summer!

* The Slant 6 CD I found when I got a box out of storage to look for some summer clothes. I have instantly been transported back to my bedroom circa 1995 and boy am I angry at nothing!

* this jam:

* dinosaur paintshop art (always)

* the awl. especially this, this and these.

* Planning an upcoming weekend at LBK

* Comedians of Comedy doc (avail streaming on netflix). Galifianakis is greeeatttt.

* Hawks in the Stanley Cup!

* being better than my peers (you know i couldnt get through an entire blog of earnest positivity. vive snark)

me: if your fam ever ventures south of 82nd street, i'd check it out. its prob my fave downtown...since palomino became not amazing

Brian: my parents do occasionally venture south of 82nd street. their limo stops a few blocks south on occasion
me: you people from carmel are the worst

well this is embarrassing...

2010-05-20T21:32:00.003-04:00

but I recently purchased this really awesome new mascara and it smells SO GOOD. seriously, its rose scented or something...i can't get enough. SO everyday for two weeks, i've done one set of eyelashes and on my way to the other set, i run the wand by my nose so i can smell it. WITHOUT FAIL, i have smudged my nose every freaking time. this time, was the worst:

Wherein Michelle and I play a new Sunday night game

2010-05-09T23:53:00.003-04:00

me: I was pretty wasted when I came home on Friday

Michelle: I know, I heard you hiccuping in the living room and then fall over in your bedroom.

me: Impressive! Also, I only came home with one earring I think?

Michelle: OHHHHH I think I found that in the stairwell yesterday, I meant to text you. (fishes through purse) Is this it?

me: YES!! Holy shit, you are awesome!

Michelle: Wow, I feel like I just won the first round of "How well do I know my drunk roommate"

me: No, the first round of "How well do I know my drunk roommate" was when you called me out on my 6 am walk of shame home after opening day by pulling the Dunkin Donuts receipt off the counter that was time stamped 5:56.

Michelle: gold medal now, please

I'd like to say that I plan to take a week off drinking, but I said that last Sunday and we all know how last week turned out. sigh

there are two types of people: those who play games and those who do not

2010-04-20T22:02:00.007-04:00

I am really pretty addicted to playing Free Cell on my iphone. My family is so nerdy that we used to race each other at the same game of FC on other separate computers after dinner on weeknights. NERDS!

As kids, we played a lot of games; Mille Bornes and Guess Who? were our main jams. In high school, we played a lot of Drinking Mille Bornes. This mostly involved taking shots and screaming in French. ROUUUULEEZZZZZZ, Bitch!! was the preferred war cry of my brother. Anyway, I was trying to find a new game app for when I get sick of Free Cell, but no one has made a Mille Bornes app yet. WHAT?! Life is the worst sometimes!

This is the deck we had - awesome retro cards my mom got when she was learning to parler the francais in the 70s

Mille Bornes was obviously played only at my mom's house. At dad's house, we were in serious training for world domination by way of Risk and Monopoly. If you ever play (anything) with my brother and me, our first objective is to remove everyone else from the game. We then battle each other for the supreme prize of bragging rights. In February, I beat my brother at Monop, so I am currently the gold medal holder. Once, I was playing Monop with a group of people (spring break 2k2, y'all) and my best friend screamed at me and ran into another room and slammed the door. But I won. And we are still best friends.

oh, her

2010-04-11T19:49:00.006-04:00

6:55 PM

Hey guys, Michelle and I are gonna start drunk vlogging in a few minutes. I just replenished my electrolytes with a giant thing of gatordate (YUM) so I'm obviously ready to make some jello shots. get hyped!

7:18

So this video cuts off because I don't know why, but I think you get the drift on what to do next. Pour that shit into the tiny cups and then put it in the fridge to get cold. If you cant figure that out, you probably shouldn't be making jello shots on a Sunday night.

7:54

Michelle and I discuss her new favorite show It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. This gets much funnier when we get drunk, thats a promise.

10:08

Woah you guys, where did those two hours go? Whats important is that we're now drunk and spending our evening listening to gnr. This song reminds me of something really embarrassing that happened to me in college. Listen, nothing good happens when you go see the hairbangers ball at the bluebird on bacardi promo night, alright? i have to go take a cold shower now. woof.

when it hurts so bad

2010-03-25T22:19:00.003-04:00

i've been listening to a lot of fugees/lauryn hill lately because well, ya know, seth galifinakis totes loves them, so why not. anyway, hopefully this song reminds you of driving to florida jr year of high school for spring break like it does for me. maybe you totally got busted getting it on with your boyfriend by scott's mom on that trip like i did. maybe your dad found a bunch of keystone light in the trunk of your car and said "at least drink some decent beer. christ" like i did. maybe you encountered a go-cart operator named toby who wanted to kill himself like we did. spring break 98 was the best, you guys.

bitch, you know what i want

2010-03-16T01:32:00.006-04:00

(put your headphones on if youre at work and want to watch this, but its from half baked, so ya know, duh)

i've always wanted quit a job like this.

pretty sure my high school crew watched this movie once a week from 1998-2000 in my basement. and the matrix. that was on HBO a lot back then, too.

2010-03-15T23:30:00.003-04:00

congratulations to the hollies who were inducted into the rock n roll hall of fame today. maybe you didnt know it, but my dad named me after this song. for serious listen to the words and try to tell me if you can think of a better song i couldve been named after. funny how stuff like that works out

i dig this version that replaces the steel drums with some strings.

also i'm quitting my job tomorrow. what a big week for me.

2010-03-04T21:18:00.001-05:00

all you need to know about me this week is that i'm putting a majority of my energies into this.

and also into drinking and passing out before nine PM everyday.

2010-02-17T21:39:00.004-05:00

hey guys, i hope you didnt forget about this song/video because its awesome. ninth grade what.

February!

2010-02-01T23:49:00.006-05:00

Sometimes I forget to just take a breath, calm down, remember that everything is going to be fine and that I really, truly have an amazing life. It's easy to forget this when things get a little crazy once in a while.

The New Yorker has a bevy of Salinger they scanned in from the fifties. Its worth your time to print out a few of them and the vintage ads will give you a little giggle. You guys, the Glass family is like what Wes Anderson tried to shove into 2 hrs with Tenenbaums, but in book/short story form so way better, plus it doesnt have that Elliot Smith song that makes me cry. What I'm saying is you should read this stuff. I know its easy to hate it since you probably had to read some of it in high school, but just because its accessible, doesn't mean it's not great. Some of it might embarrass you if it inspires memories of what a petulant & clueless teenager you used to be, but come on, aren't you still that way today just a little bit? Memory Lane, dude!

I watched a shitton of movies this weekend since I was being all "lowkey" (save Friday night when Michelle and I reacquainted ourselves with our BFF bartender at Fleming's & his zero dollar martinis). Goodies included: Bright Star and Paranormal Activity. Also good (if you love period films/ Jane Austen books/flicks) was Lost in Austen, which I only really watched because I didn't want to get out of bed (story of my life) on Saturday, I didn't realize it was three hours long when I started it and it was streaming on Netflix. Silly, but cute and entertaining. Plus, Oh! Mr. Darcy!!

also,

!!!

You guys, February is busy busy! Super Bowl this weekend (Go Colts! I will even wear something with a horseshoe, but no jerseys. you know how I feel about jerseys) & Seattle in eleven days to check on my little brother. He wants to go skiing - we'll see. San Diego in eighteen days to beerpong it up with my pretend brother (avec my roommate and best friend, aussi!) Weekend after that, Indy to help my cousin find a wedding dress and spend some quality time with my mom's side of the fam. Very, very excited for all trips, but I need some new books for my travel time. Let me know if you have stumbled across any fantastic reads lately, friends!

bonne nuit, mes petits.

DONT TELL ME WHAT I CAN'T DO!!!!!

2010-01-06T22:47:00.005-05:00

Michelle and I have been steadily ripping through Season 4. We plan to start Season 5 this weekend and finish up in time for Season 6 premiere. Don't worry, we've had a lot of red wine to help us through the intensity of losing Charlie, Rousseau, Karl and Jack's appendix. Also, pretty sure my blog has morphed into a lost blog. I'm okay with that. Its a pretty important thing to communicate about. duh.

There is nothing funnier than John Locke screaming "Don't tell me what I can't do!!!!" Sorry John, that double neg totally means the opps of what you're trying to say.

Here is RuPaul pushing John Locke in his wheelchair back when he was still crippled.

I'm sure this weekend will be full of hours upon hours of couching it to watch Lost because of the impending blizzard I've been hearing about nonstop for the past 36 hours. Its hovering at approximately half of a nautical mile east of my apartment. They call that lake effect, bitches. (That is a real screen shot from weather.com) Look out for hypothermia.

if you know anything about me...

2009-12-20T15:29:00.003-05:00

you should know that, to me, this is the funniest thing ever created. ever! it combines two of my all-time favorite things: t-pain and t-rex. once again, thanks to j segel (aka highest tumblarity everrrr). this is truly a christmas miracle! this is also the fifth christmas miracle i've experienced this week. best christmas ever??

also 44 days till LOST! aaaaanddd, in case you're interested (and in the chicago area), we are going to have a season 5 recap party once a week (actual start date tbd) starting first week of january. season 5 was 16 episodes, so we're gonna try to watch four eps a week. And eat lots of pizza and drink lots of grocery store wine. mmmm kangaroo red wine.

things i've learned in the past week

2009-12-08T23:55:00.002-05:00

The people in charge of forecasting blizzards do not know their asses from holes in the ground.

Due to an unfortunate recent hangover situation that rendered me completely devoid of life and left me naked on the floor of my bathroom for several hours, I discovered exactly how dirty it is. I'm sorry to anyone who may have used my bathroom in the past few weeks. fucking. sick.

The deceased can be managing members of corporations!! Thank god Arizona posts letters of incorporation online, because today I learned that my dad is the manager of not one, but two LLCs formed in 2008. Pretty sure if my dad was a ghost, he wouldn't be wasting his time managing other people's assets; my guess is he'd probably be sitting on the beach doing drugs and listening to the Beach Boys.

There is an arsonist in my apartment building! A fire in the trash chute put me & Michelle on the street for 90 minutes Sunday night. There was a consensus among fifth floor residents regarding exactly who set this fire. It should be noted that when I realized there was a fire, I did not grab family jewelry or a hat & gloves, but my laptop and most expensive purse. I am the worst. Anyway, I was not happy, but at least we met a middle aged lady who lives upstairs with her lapdogs and smelled like whiskey. (Hello, future!) Afterwards, the arson squad was out fingerprinting and asking questions. I was hoping the hotcops would show up, but they did not.

My brother is still the most awesome person that I know. The reasons are too numerous to recount here.

The movie Brothers was more about Tobey Maguire killing people and less about Jake Gyllenhaal sans shirt giving Natalie Portman the business.

LOST starts in 55 days. Did you know Amazon has first five seasons for like 80 bucks. Consider that shit ordered and under my tree as a gift to myself.

And now here's something for you to learn, this was totally my #1 summer jam:

OMG Hype Wms totally presents this shit! haha! I saw an interview with Ronnie Howard where he said Jamie Foxx bamboozled him by pitching this concept of brotherhood and thats why he did the video. I think we all know that Opie is probably just into chicks with big asses and thats the real reason, right? You can blame this terrible video on the autotune, dudes.

while i love Glee, perhaps its time our convos at home shifted back to LOST...

2009-11-28T23:17:00.004-05:00

mr: they get to do a lot of cool things on that show. ya know, dance in a wheelchair, sing with deaf kids...

cv: COME ON

mr: shutup!

OMG, that is 65 days away!!!!!!

ZOMG! At some point this season, Swayze, Whiny Kate and Sayid (and his tanktop!?!?!) will perhaps be in an airport together?! Ahhhhh, will they even know each other?! Will WAAAAALLLLTTTT be there as well?!?!?

favorite movie ever...

2009-11-28T23:08:00.001-05:00

pre-thanksgiving pre-live vlog warning

2009-11-23T23:29:00.002-05:00

that is all

forget whiskey, THIS is the nectar of the gods...

2009-11-23T20:55:00.006-05:00

OMG. Have you heard about epsom salt, you guys? That stuff is amazing. I fucked up my (good) leg doing god knows what and it totally hurt me to walk for like two weeks. Until I discovered taking baths in epsom salt. WOAH. amazing... i only have a slight pain at the end of the day now! (Don't tell me to go to a doctor. I hate doctors. What are you, my mom? I have epsom salt and aleve, so shut up! Come on!)

We had a fucking gallon of the stuff in our apartment in the first place because Michelle's doctor told her to take baths in it to relieve some wicked nasty bug bites she got this summer. Salt, who knew?!

You can apparently also use an epsom salt and water concoction if you want to purge your system if you have an eating disorder.

Who even knows what other inexplicable powers salt possesses! This wonderful experience has maybe even inspired me to pursue a very basic level of chemistry knowledge for the first time in my life!

Holy shit, this stuff is amazing. You should probably buy some so you have it on hand. You never know when you might need this magical elixir.

coming this sunday to the fine city of indianapolis....

2009-11-13T19:37:00.001-05:00

roommate warz!

things that make me happy right now

2009-11-12T21:50:00.003-05:00

awesome

i don't really care about ryan adams, but i like his IMS guitar.

it was a rock. rock lobster!

Shut the door. Have a seat.

2009-11-10T21:32:00.009-05:00

i really loved the season finale of mad men. so much so that i just crawled into bed and plan to watch it again for the second night in a row. i stole these from goldenfiddlr (one of my fave blogs). i like it when don cries. i also really like elisabeth moss, even though she's a scientologist and they dont have her in that terrible and hilariously entertaining fat suit this season. (fun fact: she is also exactly one day older than me.)

also great is this from the chick who writes that one mad men tumblr that just got a book deal. dude, what trendy/meme tumblr doesnt get book deals these days. the fucking twitter dude who quotes his old fart dad just got a TV show. shit. anyway, she nails spot on my love for kinsey. i'm also a total sucker for that fucking dirtbag pete campbell.

on a non-mad men related note, my friend kristi and i have alternately been feeling really sorry for ourselves and spending an unhealthy amount of time trash talking (hey, we deserve our turn too, you assholes). this song has kind of been our anthem. for the self pity, not the trash talking. for that, we've been listening to hole. hello 1994, i have missed you so much!

these are things that make me lol

2009-11-08T22:19:00.001-05:00

2009-11-08T03:16:00.002-05:00

while i have pretty high standards for myself and my behavior/boundaries, etc in my friendships, its pretty clear my (dude) friends do not hold themselves to comparable standards (as was brought to my attention tonight, even though i already knew. sometimes it takes another person to point this out to you). clearly actions are forthcoming.

****filed under "drunk while blogging" "regrettable" "posts to be deleted tomorrow"

my day just keeps getting more and more hilarious

2009-10-22T16:17:00.000-04:00

God wants You to Know has been hidden from your News Feed.
In the future, you won't see posts from God wants You to Know. (Edit Options)

thank god.

sometimes when i'm lonely, i look at his face. it give me stregf

2009-10-21T22:30:00.002-04:00

not sure how i've never seen this before...

2009-10-21T15:21:00.002-04:00

in case you were wondering, my last two drunken youtube iphone searches are "astronaut jones theme song" and "driveshaft"

2009-10-20T00:06:00.002-04:00

i dont know which is the worst out of the following three things:

1. the lady crackhead is in a heated argument outside my bedroom window.

2. i can recognize her voice without even seeing her.

3. she has been repeatedly screaming "fuck you! i have a bat!!" for three minutes.

well well well

2009-10-19T22:34:00.001-04:00

what an absolutely delightful evening.

2009-10-16T23:56:00.002-04:00

Even though it came out probably a year ago, I haven't given The Decemberists "Hazards of Love" a real listen yet. Groan, I know, The Decemberists. Everyone hates them. Listen, I get it...epic orchestral ramblings about falling in love with your rapist, searching out and murdering your dead mother's former lover, communists selling national secrets (including subsequent jailings and trials) and the journeys of a spanish princess...not for everyone. I'm really into historical fiction, so its understandable why ballads like this might appeal to me. aaaaanyway, I seriously love their album Picaresque. If you ever want to go for a walk in the snow, this is a great album to put on your ipod. Why anyone would want to walk around in snow is beyond me, but you get my point.

For some reason, I just got around to listening to "Hazards of Love." probably because its not great. I think it was even a failed rock opera (groan!!!) or some shit. I dont know, I read something on pitchfork like two years ago, I cant really remember. But anyway, now that I've defended my opinion, MY POINT IS.... the final track on that cd is the most heartbreaking love song I've heard since ummmmm, I dont know, a joy division song, that one mellowdrone song I loved in college? if I ever get my heart crushed into a million pieces again, I will lay in my bed drinking whiskey and listening to this song on repeat for hours. i cant wait.

Speaking of, every breakup needs two great songs: one that encourages the lounging in bed, crying and feeling sorry for yourself and another one that you can listen while getting ready to go out and get shitfaced when youre getting over it. Nogganna lie, last time my heart was crushed, that first lily allen cd had just come out (clearly its been a while) and I listened to it A LOT. close to once a day for an entire summer. I'm not telling what my lay in bed crushed crying song was. Its embarrassingly weak.

Speaking of embarrassingly weak, I am blogging on a friday night in my bed. I think I need someone to break my heart again so at least I have an excuse for being so fucking lame (lest I forget the fifteen bottles of whiskey & wine I drank this week and my ensuing exhaustion). but, as my therapist just loves to tell me the past three months, I have made myself emotionally unavailable to almost everyone around me, so i'm pretty sure no one will ever crush my heart again. (hey internet! there's that line and boy did i just cross it!) I guess I probably wont ever need this song afterall. But its still pretty.

But I pulled you and I called you here. And I caught you and I brought you here. These hazards of love. Never more will trouble us.

my favorite, for your listening pleasure

Michelle totes talked me into DLV-ing again

2009-10-14T20:22:00.007-04:00

7:30 First glass of wine and some sweet fucking jams. Get amped. We are (kind of).

8:00

We just wanted to make sure that no one ever forgets about Aaliyah. But really "Are You That Somebody" is a waaaayyyy better song.

We also wanted to start a blog war. If you couldn't tell, this video cut off for some reason. woooops

8:30

Glee is just awesome. also, i wish stef had uploaded that video where aaron told me my face was red like a ham so I could link to it, because that is exactly what happens when i drink. total hamface.

in this video we talk about being internet creepsters and getting the rent paid.

8:45

Jerzy, I dunno if you're still around the interwebs, but check out this sweet tattoo that I'm thinking of getting.

In this vlog Michelle and I talk about campfires, Cathy cartoons and listen to some Patsy Cline. Gentlemen, we're totally single and available. Shocking, I know.

9:48

Beags owes us mad dollarz. end of story. Also, Michelle is friends with someone named Jon Gosselin. Not JG of megasperm and Ed Hardy fame, but some dude she went to undergrad with. He is not half Asian. I feel bad for that dude.

10:08

The hardest part of vlogging whilst intoxicated is figuring out what music I want in the background as I get progressively drunker and drunker.

10:50

thats all we wrote, douchetards. i am going into my room to watch tina fey on good ole broad ripple alum letterman. someone please enroll me in some kind of drinking problem program . it is clear i have a problem. with two buck chuck. and talking to exboyfriends. help. me. please.

goodnight melons.

i take more baths that anyone you know. guaranteed.

2009-10-12T23:40:00.003-04:00

sometimes all i need is a bath and some cat power to feel better again.

I want to be a good woman
And I want, for you to be a good man
And this is why I will be leaving

even though it means winter is coming...

2009-09-22T23:30:00.003-04:00

& i'm a total whore for laying out all day long in the summer, fall is kind of my favorite time of year. I love sweatshirts, pumpkin flavored everything and the crunch of leaves.

Bloomington, Indiana is probably my favorite place to spend fall. oh college, sometimes i really miss you.

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower Albert Camus

(yeah, i just put a camus quote on my blog. wanna fight?)

2009-09-20T16:58:00.003-04:00

hello friends, can any of you tell me how to hook up my laptop to the tv so that we can watch project runway without crowding around a small little macbook screen? i'm sure this is somewhat easily googled, but i am biz-eeee.

i will bake you a loaf of pumpkin bread (lemon cream cheese frosting optional) if you can make all my wildest dreams come true.

♥♥♥♥

dick whitman

2009-08-30T21:28:00.002-04:00

that is all.

so Michelle and I decided to drunk live VLOG tonight.

2009-08-16T20:34:00.009-04:00

7:35

Uploading these videos is taking more than a hot minute. This delay could put a very serious damper on our DLV-ing.

8:11

During beer #1, I g-chatted with Kelsey. As BFFs, we are nearly identical in our tastes, beliefs and lives (both of us had paternal grandparents named Robert and Joan...weird, RIGHT!?) Anyway, we're torn if we like Wall Street or American Psycho more. Conclusion: both amazing movies, and fantastic in their own way. There is no clear winner. What do YOUUUUU think? Michelle talked on the phone with HER best friend about an accident involving someone falling down the stairs. Alcohol was (surprisingly) not involved.

It should be noted we don't have cable, so its the little things like "SNL Presidential Skit Hour" that make us happy. (Tina Fey as) Sarah Palin is our collective favorite. We routinely get drunk and think we can see Russia from our front patio.

8:34

Beer #2.5. Holler! It should be noted that Britney Spears is the patron saint of failure at our apartment. Michelle and I bonded years ago over our guilty pleasure love for the trainwreck known as Britney Spears. Here is a picture of Ms. Spears from earlier today wearing a pink bikini and drinking a bloody mary. true american hero.

Here is another true american hero, my rack:

8:55

OMG Beer #3. In case you didn't know how awesome we are, you're about to find out:

**Edit Somehow this video cut off in the upload. Totally sad, but this is how life works. Sorry, you guys.

9:13

We're just not drinking fast enough with these beers if I want to be passed out by eleven. Its easy to tell the difference between real Sarah Palin and Tina Fey as Sarah Palin. TF as SP gets big claps when she first appears. Real SP does not. Best thing about Election 08 was undoubtedly will.i.am in holograph form on election night. dont you think?

10:30

Beer #5, you guys. OMG! We decided to abandon the totally unfunny SNL thing for some Chappelle Show DVDs. Shout out to my awesome brother for getting me Seasons 1 and 2 for my 21st and 22nd birthdays. Probably some of the best birthday presents I've ever gotten. (Save the BADASS Canadian Club box Kelsey wrapped my present in this year. Way to go, bff.)

In conclusion, thank god, once again, for Gawker and their new-ish evening blogger Cajun Boy who is prob my second favorite blogger of hilarity (behind Gabe Delahaye). Anyway, homeboy just posted this video and you really owe it to yourself to watch it. Its pretty amazing. The combo of R Kelly and Sarah Palin might've convinced me to become a republican. Seriously, I cannot emphasize enough the need for you to click on this link (and this link if you like Flo Rida as much as I do).

Seacrest Out.

This year on my 4th of july vacation, I...

2009-07-08T23:27:00.003-04:00

* had two pulled pork sandwiches at Bourbon St Distillery

* showed Alise two of my favorites: awfulplasticsurgery.com and dlisted.com. she was impressed.

* watched baby ike crawl around in the rain and pull some sweet tripod moves.

* drove to lebanon, noblesville (x2), carmel, fishers and southport. i like you people a lot because everyone knows how much i hate driving.

* had lots of wine, champagne and vodka with kip and bill.

* got pretty drunk with katie (whats new) and took (what i thought) was a hilarious picture for my friend kristi. no one else thought it was that funny.

* hung out with some 20 year olds and realized I have actually grown up A LOT in the past seven years.

* watched downtown indy fireworks on the roof (one day late. this is what it looked like on saturday)

* at dinner with my grandma and grandpa. theyre getting really old and it made me very sad.

* took lots of walks on the canal with Lucy puppy

* nominated beags as friend of the year. he really deserves it.

* laid out on the roof deck

* listened to lots of Q95 because i forgot to bring CDs with me. This means all I heard for a week was GnR, Fleetwood Mac and Pink Floyd. Lots.

* spent approx six hours on the phone with ComEd getting the electricity connected to my home. win!

it was a very nice week, but I am SUPER excited to get back to Chicago tomorrow.

Ode to Belmont and Sheffield

2009-06-24T15:14:00.006-04:00

On Monday, I will be leaving my beloved block at Belmont and Sheffield (and the Lakeview area entirely) to move about three miles south. Wow, what a great three years its been.

To Leona's, I will miss you, your shitty service, your delicious fried ravioli, loaf of bread ("it costs $1.50 extra. are you SURE you really want that?") and complimentary brownie/cheesecake hybrid.

To Sheffield's, even with your declining quality the past year or so, I will still miss your amazing selection at BEER SCHOOL, awesome beer garden of bad decisions, always great playlists, pulled pork sandwiches and of course my favorite bartender/server Dani (aka ROCKIN').

To the robot store, sorry I never came inside to check out all your sweet robots, but I will miss making fun of you when I walk by.

To the crackheads of the Diplomat Hotel. I was kind of sorry to see you go. Granted, I am no longer woken up every other night by your ranting, raving and throwing of High Life bottles into the street, but you gave our block a certain flavor that very few others in Lakeview possess. (I'll miss the Bearded Woman, Lily Tomlin/The Lady Crackhead, and Poodlehead the most).

To BCT, thanks for the late night dance parties. I know I've been away for over a year, but that doesnt mean I dont treasure my memories of dancing to Daft Punk with that dude wearing five hoodies.

To the nasty Indian place next to the Diplomat, I hope the health department shuts you down. I will not miss you.

To the tranny hookers that come out around 3 am on weeknights, no thanks for making me feel like that episode of sex and the city when samantha moves to the meatpacking district. I hate comparing my life to that fucking show. ughh. Again, I will NOT miss you.

To the Walgreen's on the corner, thank you so much for charging $10 for a roll of toilet paper and forcing me to buy all those bags of chips and delicious jars of queso and salsa over the years. I will miss you, but I'm confident you will be promptly replaced by the Jewel thats across the street from my new digs.

To the corner booze store 1000 Liquors, thanks for always supplying me when I needed a fix of super overpriced bottles of White Star, for marking up your prices 15% after the bars close, allowing me to make upwards of three trips a day there with no judgement and not kicking me out that one time I came in at like four am on St Pattys with college friends to buy Bloody Mary mix (what a bad idea that turned out to be). I will miss you, but not the obnoxious counter guy.

To Nevermind, the teenage girls boutique next to the train, I'm sorry I've wandered around in your store approx once a week, but havent bought anything in at least two and a half years. I probably wont miss you.

To Ultimate Exposure, no thanks to the obnoxious dude who works the counter and always tries to sell me $90 bottles of bronzer. Also maybe the first (only!?) time I've been Trev'd by a gay dude? I won't miss you. There are tanning places everywhere.

To the Vic/Brew and View, thanks for some great shows and movies. I will be back.

To Clarkes diner, thanks for almost making me puke twice when I was hungover on Sunday mornings. Never again dudes, never again.

To that Cosi that closed like a year ago. Good riddance! You never opened before 11, and when I asked for bagels that one time, you told me that you "stop serving bagels at ten am." fuck you. I do not miss you, subpar Cosi.

To Mi Tierra, thank you for your taco salads and ass kicking pitchers of margs. The stomach ache two hours later is always worth it. I will miss you and try to return often.

To Trader Todd's. There. are. no. words. I will miss you most of all.

Confidential to Trevor, I'm sorry you had to pick your fiancee up at the airport the other night. Let me know if you guys go through a rough patch, I'd still like to start things back up. See you at BCT at one?!

today, i ate...

2009-06-17T23:21:00.002-04:00

a soft serve cone at Ikea

a crispy honey chicken/rice bowl and two lettuce wraps at PF Changs (Schaumburg WHAT)

nachos belle grande (vegetarian) and a chicken taco from Taco Bell.

this is why i'm going to have a heart attack before i turn 50 like my father. (see also thisiswhyyourefat)

OMG you guys

2009-06-09T22:28:00.002-04:00

I haven't blogged in like a month. I don't really have much to say, but I'd like to share these links with you:

This guy is a genius. His comparison of 30 Rock and The Muppet Show is spot on.

Great "ad" for alcoholism...pretty sure I could've filmed a very similar ad. Mine would perhaps feature me sending inappropriate texts, dancing like Elaine Benes and staring down bitches who are skinnier than me across the bar.

facebook status-off is hilarious! same dudes who made that great laid off investment banker thing a few months ago. "i just threw my vagina at you guys." (Via Videogum)

and finally:

via molls

american apparel:

2009-05-14T17:52:00.004-04:00

this time, you've gone too far.

2009-05-13T15:24:00.001-04:00

anybody know where I can get a sweet anchor pashmina like the one samberg wore on fallon last night? i, too, one day dream to be on a boat, motherfucker.

2009-05-11T21:34:00.004-04:00

I think I'm having a quarterlife crisis (two years late). Actually, crisis is wayyyy too strong of a word; I think I like the word "challenge" a bit more. So yeah, I mean, it's hard to get motivated to find a job when you've never really enjoyed any of the jobs you've had. Pretty much the only things I really truly enjoy doing are laying in the sun reading, having cocktails with my buddies, taking naps and going to movies. (If pressed, I'm sure I can find some more things to throw on that list). That probably makes me a terribly shallow person, but I'm pretty confident I already knew that. And the economy. That is certainly another contributing factor to my joblessness. Oh and in case you haven't heard, the economy is amazingly terrible and there simply aren't very many jobs being offered right now.

I think the thing the most disconcerting part about my "challenge" is that I'm not disturbed/upset/worried about it in the slightest. I generally live by the ethos of "it is what it is" and "things always fall into place" so I suppose that's why. I really dunno why I even wrote this. Maybe you guys have ideas for what I should do with my life. Join the circus? Go back to school? Go live in a van down by the river? Suck it up like a grownup and spend the next 40 years in a cube like everyone else? oh life

(via icanread)

GPOYTBDCW

2009-04-29T20:53:00.002-04:00

Gratuitous Picture of Your Taco Bell Diet Coke Wednesday. (Not Pictured: my mug, as I've not showered today).

Big ups to DumbSpoon for enabling my nachos bell grande habit and driving me to TBell.

also, check out those sweet pictures on the wall behind me. About a month ago, someone broke into our apartment, removed three of those pictures and gently laid them on the couch. What a weird fucking thing to do, right?

2009-04-26T22:44:00.001-04:00

i've been watching lots (LOTS) of movies on netflix instant in the past few months. mostly older movies, ya know classics and shit. and while bette davis will prob always be my favorite old timey actress, liz taylor has really been growing on me as of late. jezebel linked to this LT clip regarding her thoughts on marriage these days. And even though she's totally batshit insane, i think after 7 or whatev marriages, she might be onto something.

GPOYETW

2009-04-22T15:30:00.002-04:00

Gratuitous Picture of Your Einstein's Tea Wednesday. I pretty much sit on the couch/in bed drinking tea all day, so this seems appropriate.

Also, I just wanted to remind everyone that "should have went" is not something you should say. Try "should have gone" instead. You're welcome.

this is almost too easy...

2009-04-21T22:19:00.006-04:00

but Kanye West totally dresses like he's been stealing clothes out of my mom's closet circa 1986.

Now, I dont have any sweet 80s pics of my mom to prove it, but she was definitely suuuuuper stylin back in the day. Her favorite items were big oversized denim shirts (frequently tied in a knot with a hot pink tshirt underneath), big giant oversized sweaters, jean jackets, and tight stonewashed jeans.

exhibit a. my mom LOVED rolling her sleeves up on her jean jackets and wearing huge sunglasses. I know for a fact she had a giant heart pin that she frequently wore, but it looks like Kanye couldnt find the "#1 HOCKEY MOM" rhinestone pin that she used to wear to my brother's games. too bad.

exhibit b. my mom LOVED turquoise/teal in the 80s. And Keds! My mom LOVED Keds! And LOOK! there's the giant glasses and denim shirt!!!

Oh God, Kanye! Check out those sweet yellow tennis shoes! I think my mom had yellow ones that she wore to Jazzercise. She, of course, had matching yellow and white polka dotted leg warmers that she wore with them. AND THAT SWEATER! She def had something like that. But hers hung off one of her shoulders and was a lot baggier.

Ahhh Kanye, for reals, stop trying to be my mom. For reals! Next thing I know, you're gonna start rapping (or that awful autotune singing you're into these days) about finding a boyfriend and not eating tater tots and corndogs for every meal.

ughhh

2009-04-21T14:49:00.002-04:00

from some info the doctor gave me today:

"To maximize the rate of healing it is helpful to avoid bone robbers such as sugar, salt, alcohol, caffeine, red meats etc."

so if you need me, i'll just be sitting here the rest of the summer eating salads and drinking water with my ankle propped up on a pillow. SWEET!

here's the thing...

2009-04-18T02:22:00.002-04:00

about my broken ankle. it doesnt hurt at all when i've been drinking for 12+ hours. someone remind me of this next week when i'm sober pls.

(file this under: blogging when intoxicated. d'oh)

wow

2009-04-16T13:41:00.001-04:00

GGP BK is on Gawker. I feel like my life is now somehow complete.

GPOYGW

2009-04-15T16:59:00.003-04:00

Gratuitous Picture of Your Gatorade Wednesday. Sorry, no milkshake tonight, boys.

conversation i just had with my doctor:

2009-04-13T12:30:00.002-04:00

Doctor enters room holding x-ray.

Doctor: How have you been walking around on a fracture for 36 hours?

Carrie: Percocet.

Doctor: hrmmmm

Carrie: And I've gotten out of bed approximately six times in the past day and a half to shuffle to the bathroom.

Doctor: Well, I'm not giving you more percocet. You're getting codeine. I'm glad you were smart enough to rest in the first 24 hours. Most people continue as normal and the injury becomes very serious.

Carrie: Yeah, I am kind of a genius. Are you putting a cast on me? Its almost summer, you know.

Doctor: I think an air cast will be fine for two weeks and then I'll show you how to wrap it and some exercises you can do once its not stiff anymore.

Carrie: AN AIR CAST?! Those look dumber than real casts. (Okay I didnt say that, but I think my face conveyed it).

Doctor: Well, you aren't required to wear high heels to work are you?

Carrie: Yeah, no, I don't have a job.

Doctor: Well, if you promise to not wear high heels for four weeks and to keep it wrapped at all times....and you can't walk around a lot....you can just wrap it.

Did I mention my normal doctor was out today and some young hot intern was my doctor? Ankle fracture win.

i am blogging out of control today

2009-04-08T23:25:00.005-04:00

Ang is right. I probs need to start using my tumblr more. Also, I probably need a job so I have something better to do with my time.

In my bedroom, it is 1999. I am sitting in my bed cross legged reading Ayn Rand and listening to Jets to Brazil. I was so indie back then, right? Have I mentioned i've seen the get up kids like ten times. scene points, what!

In Ang's bedroom, its 2006. She is sitting at her desk uploading amazing pictures from Summer 06 on flickr.

I'm not sure what Stef is doing in her bedroom, but its past 9:45, so shes probably sleeping.

Sheffield's for Aaron's going away. Fall 2006

Wrigleyville, Fall 2006. OSU Game?

fuck GPOYW

2009-04-08T22:35:00.004-04:00

I'd like to introduce GPOYMFMSW (Gratuitous Picture of Your Mother Fucking Milkshake Wednesday)

Thanks, Ang!! (And yes, I am drinking my milkshake out of a stemless martini glass. wanna fucking fight about it?)

meta.

2009-04-08T14:51:00.002-04:00

so remember that post from last night where i made fun of some dude who was crying for help on twitter or some such? yeah, that one. it also involved my life hero mark cuban.

anyway, that guy linked to me talking about him on his blog. because i'm a totally influential blogger. i get literally TENS of hits a day. I just hope no one forwarded his cry to help on my blog to his mom and start bawling because she thought he was dead. that would be a true shame.

(yeah, this was a blog post about a blog post about a blog post about a tweet. wanna fucking fight?)

Question.

2009-04-07T23:52:00.003-04:00

if you were about to suicide yourself and felt that the only person who might help you was a celebrity on twitter, who would that celebrity be?

mark cuban would be my celebrity of choice (although, i'd just be copying some dude named @11logic who sent something to cuban earlier tonight).

I've actually been really busy since I was laid off...

2009-04-06T23:48:00.013-04:00

So please allow me to present to you, dear reader, a photo tour of my last two months. This is gonna be long, so bear with me...

One time, I got laid off and Alise, (pictured) Maggie and I drank for about 14 hours. We were later joined by Dan, Phil and Steve and headed up north to the Black Rock. Once at BR, what has since been referred to as "the most retarded conversation of all time" occurred. Thanks for the good friends, GGP!

Soon after, I went out to Baltimore to visit Kelsey. Kels and I don't take pictures together unless it's a very important occasion, so instead, I present to you baby Ike laying on the couch and pulling Lando's fur. They are the best of friends and its pretty damn adorable. Kelsey and I watched a lot of bad TV/movies and ate lots of Oreos. Pretty much the best trip ever.

The next week, I went wayyyy out to the other coast to visit Scott in San Diego/Pacific Beach. The above image was taken after approximately 9 hours of a beer pong tourney and, as you can see, I am barely standing. We lost pretty miserably but my partner did hit my ex-boyfriend's wife square in the face with his ball when we were playing them, so I guess it wasnt a total waste. In addition to the entire keg of Bud Light that I consumed on my own (we went through like 8 of them in 12 hours), I got a free meal/boozefest at Roy's. Success!

After that, I moved on to Phoenix/Tempe to see Jen. Here we are taking a super touristy picture at the Phx Art Museum in one of their "mini beans" because ya know, we were being total tourists. I spent most of my mornings laying out at the pool and then making a big dinner at night. I also had the chance to go to several Cubs spring training games. It was kind of paradise.

We also visited the Desert Botanical Gardens to see the new Chihuly exhibit. It was pretty fucking awesome.

Then, I came back to Chicago and it was Dave's birthday at Merklesssss. And I was really tan!

Then it was St Pattys and Ang, Jess and I had an epic green beer chugging contest at Shenanigans. And I was still really tan.

Then Ang turned 27! And there was a dance party at the Brackets at Redmond's. And I was still pretty damn tan.

The next week, Sally came into town from Boston and we got pretty drunk at the Kerryman. The next day, Alise was so hungover, she wouldn't speak to us and laid on my couch with four blankets over her head moaning until about three pm. I thought it was hilarious.

Last week, I went down to Indianapolis to watch my mom's dog while she was on spring break. Katie and I got amazingly intoxicated at B-Dubs and posed by this amazing "tire art" that now lines the streets of downtown Indianapolis. Way to go, Indianapolis! Soon after this picture, we went back to my mom's house where Katie passed out on the couch and I had embarrassing IM convos with several friends. Fail.

/end February and March 2009. What I'm telling you is that the last two months have maybe been the best of my life. Or at least in recent history. If only spring would arrive to Chicago, I would be happy as a clam again.

♥ cv

2009-03-31T21:28:00.002-04:00

i thought those lime flavored tortilla chips were pretty much the bee's knees until i discovered hot and spicy cheez-its at o'malias yesterday.

my life is now complete

totes forgot about this...

2009-03-28T23:39:00.004-04:00

awesome lily allen/common song from like two years ago till it came on my shuffle on the train tonight.

also, lets hear it for GPOYS(aturday) aka 2 day hangover/my new glasses always slide down my nose.

all of these things made me burst out in laughter in the last 20 minutes..

2009-03-26T17:08:00.005-04:00

first up was jess with this email about brackets:
i don't like purdue, but i also don't like UConn. so i gotta go big ten on this one. but never will i say "boiler up" HOO HOO HOO!

and then gabe at videogum:
OH SHIT!

He's probably dead. Space-time.

then ang with this IM: (i really do love dinos. its true.)
Angie: you there?

me: yup

Angie: you'll like this

http://allday.tumblr.com/post/90104041/quite-possibly-the-coolest-picture-ive-ever-seen

me: youre right!

i totes burst out laughing

Angie: hahah

figured as much

seriously

2009-03-25T22:32:00.001-04:00

who gave this clown demetri martin his own show on comedy central? it comes on after south park so i default watch the first 2 minutes every week and SHIT this show is awful.

someone for sure got fired over this shit.

recent advice from my stepmom...

2009-03-25T15:55:00.003-04:00

"It's fine. Make yourself a cocktail and take a xanax."

Great advice.

Okay, I better get back to watching The Big Chill. Netflix instant is an unemployed girl's dream date.

so yeah

2009-03-16T17:42:00.002-04:00

The best part of being unemployed is that I get to read books and watch movies all day long. Along with surfing the internetz, these have always been my favorite ways to pass my day (plus eating bread and drinking). I am probably happier than I've ever been before in my life and could seriously do this forever...especially once the weather turns nice.

Yesterday, Ang and I watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall (and I baked cookies!) and then went to the Landmark to see The Reader. Before yesterday, I don't think I'd ever seen a movie with male full frontal nudity in my life (besides porn, that is). Well, I've now seen enough to last me a lifetime. And seriously, how old was that kid in The Reader anyway? I felt a little dirty seeing him naked for like the entire first hour of that movie even though his german accent was totes sexy.

Soooo right now, I'm blissfully finishing up my laundry and watching the peen-free Ghostbusters II. Ughhh I hope I dont see another penis for another couple months. That would make me even happier.

if...

2009-03-09T22:59:00.002-04:00

this was actually the case, i might be interested in seeing it.

I LOVE San Diego

2009-02-22T15:49:00.003-05:00

but I dont think I could live here. Lots of dudes wearin' Ed Hardy and everyone listens to Hot Chip nonstop.

Then again, I did spend all day Friday at the beach and 11 hours playing beer pong yesterday. SOoooooo maybe it is something I could get used to.

Off to the beach and then preview dinner at Truluck's. mmmmmm free seafood

true!

2009-02-21T13:10:00.000-05:00

so one time, i made this facebook group called "scott schulte is a little bitch."

i was totally spot on with that shit.

i don't even own A gun

2009-02-18T00:19:00.004-05:00

♥♥ goodnight

failblogs all over the place today.

2009-02-15T00:07:00.005-05:00

kelsey and i saw the international tonight. even though the movie featured clive owen, his rugged good looks and a fairly realistic shootout at the guggenheim, this movie was awful. FAIL. (btw, below screenshot of the trailer for this movie is probably the biggest fail about the entire thing as this shit wasnt even in this movie. in fact, i have no fucking idea how the trailer even relates to what happened AT ALL in the movie. FAIL)

then, THEN. THEN i came home (well, to kelsey's home) to find the below picture on failblog. i've mentioned this hilarious sign a million times on the way between indy and chicago and i'm kind of mad that i'm not the one who sent it in.

i'm going back to my whiskey soda now. goodnight and happy valentine's day, friends.

greetings from baldwin!!

2009-02-13T19:53:00.003-05:00

Tonight, I am babysitting little Ike while Kls and Big Ike go to dinner at Salt. I have discovered three foolproof things to do when ike starts crying that will get him to stop. The first is to give him a bottle, but you can only give so many bottles to baby or he'll want to puke on you. Secondly, you can put him in the contraption pictured below. It has all kinds of flashy and spinny things for him to slobber on. Confession, Kelsey told me about both of those.

However, I discovered all on my own, that singing "Alouette" to ike fascinates and (more importantly) quiets him. His favorite part is when i do the whole "et la tete, et la bouche, et les yeux OH OH OH OH" and point at my face while i sing. Babies are probably smarter than we are and just like tricking us into dancing, singing and looking like total assholes. You win this round baby ike, next round i'm gonna sing something way funnier and cooler (and decidedly less french) like tenacious d to redeem myself.

pretty nothing much...

2009-02-08T22:37:00.002-05:00

is better than sleeping in my own bed.

except for this song lyric quote i found on my girl molly's blog earlier. (yeah, thats right, i'm gonna post a song lyric like i'm 14 years old. WHAT?)

I’m not trying to run your life and that’s why I’m nobody’s wife.

i've had an interesting few days here...

2009-02-08T12:18:00.003-05:00

and this is really the first time i've just sat down and relaxed since wednesday night.

so i got laid off thursday. which is good and bad. my job was becoming incredibly stressful and exhausting; working for a company that has been thisclose to declaring bankruptcy for six months is, as one might imagine, a total and complete shitshow. but its bad because, well, i dont have a job now.

sooooo thursday, layoffs start bright and early at nine o'clock. alise goes in at 9:30, maggie at 10:30...my appointment isnt until ONE O'CLOCK. we leave for lunch at like 11, i pound four beers, roll back into the building at 12:45, pop in some gun and head in drunk to my layoff meeting. because thats how you go out true CV style.

the night ended with me, steve and alise "getting so fucking real" with each other and having what might be considered the most retarded conversation of all time. i love those guys, for realllll. But seriously, I've been exceptionally fortunate with the friends i've made at GGP. That being said, the first thing I wanted to do was get the fuck out of Chicago as soon as I possibly could. So when I got home at 1 am on Thursday, I booked a ticket on the megabus down to Indy for $25.

I was seriously super hungover, and I have no idea how i got (Work) Alise and I up and going and out of the house by 9:30 on Friday morning. A feat of awesomeness, i must say. Friday i was pretty worthless. Mom Alise... shit, this might get confusing. sorry dudes!...aaaanyway, mom alise and i made some awesome chicken scallopini, she and brett teased me for not being able to drink anything, and i passed out at like 9:30 (thats 8:30 chi time, son).

Saturday woke up bright and early to start making champagne brunch with (Mom) Alise, Brett and Kipp. we were all pretty wasted by like 1 which was great so that when Justin picked me up at three and we immediately started drinking some red, my buzz kicked right back in. We had a great afternoon watching Lost, eating cheese and drinking wine (seriously could be my three fave activities to do on a Sat afternoon) before meeting up with Alex for dinner and drinks. Justin then totes ditched me and Alex downtown (seriously dude, ditching me with your best friend....NOT smart. i think we all know my history here, what the shit were you thinking?!) so we had some more whiskey at MacNivens. Since we're both kind of in limbo in our lives, we decided to, of course, get totally real about it and talk about moving to insane places and pursuing ludicrous degrees. I love catching up with old friends. I also love drinking whiskey cokes, so it was a pretty fun night.

today i slept in till nine, ate some breaky and took the pooch for a walk. And now i'm gonna eat some lunch and then head back up to chicago for a dinner at LeColonial. All in all, i'd say i'm doing just fine :)

sorry mom...

2009-01-28T15:54:00.002-05:00

Have you heard of this great new blog “I Bang the Worst Dudes!” I feel like I could contribute a story (or ten….sorry dudes!) I’m pretty sure a lot of these entries are totally fake, but still completely hilarious.

In lieu of doing so (mostly because I thankfully don’t have a picture of him), I submit to you, dear readers, the worst dude I’ve ever banged. But, thank all that is holy, I never actually had sex with him. Seriously, hooking up with this guy is like the dumbest thing I’ve ever done in my life and pretty much the only thing I’ve ever regretted.

So after a rousing evening of playing pool and drinking $3 pitchers of bud light (what, I went to college in southern Indiana!), a bunch of us went back to his house. After a couple hours everyone found their way home/to bed and we were finally alone on the couch. We made out for about five minutes and then I got up to use the restroom. When I walked back into the room, he says, “I have one question to ask you before this goes any farther…what are your feelings on anal sex?”

TRUE FUCKING STORY.

**edit. i think this actually might be a dude that i know.

uhhh ohhh

2009-01-27T21:10:00.004-05:00

three of my favorite things: 30 rock, jon hamm and baking: (not so sure this is showin up on the good ole reader, so youre probs gonna have to actually click out of the window if you wanna see some jon hamm sexiness)

also, i got some sweet new glasses. check it:

ruining lives...

2009-01-25T17:48:00.003-05:00

Since I first started hanging out with my current friends (ya know, way back in my EARLY twenties) I've heard the following conversation about five hundred times:

Aaron: Ughhh shutup, Ang. Stop ruining my life!!

Ang: Whatever, Aaron, I've done nothing but make your life BETTER.

Aaron: GAHHHHHHH!

(This conversation normally occurs at BCT or TTs around 2:15 in the morning, btw). I'm pretty sure Ang has never ruined anyone's live ever. Unless of course mentions of sunshine, puppies and rainbows could ruin someone's life.

I, on the other hand, have a pretty uncanny ability to actually ruin people's lives. Without getting into specifics, I'll just say that the mere suggestion of my presence at a dinner yesterday caused an ex's girlfriend to lock herself in a bathroom and cry. And then they broke up. I've never even met her before. I was just innocently sitting in bed at home watching TV trying to figure out if I had time to run to walgreens before I had to get in the shower and they broke up.

So if you want to be friends with me (or date me, if you're really brave), watch out...I will most likely ruin your life.

breakfast...

2009-01-15T14:06:00.003-05:00

is my favorite meal of the day.

yesterday, i heated up some pad thai and ate it in bed directly from the takeout container.

today, i ate a piece of chocolate cake at my desk.

goodbye afternoon productivity

2009-01-13T14:43:00.002-05:00

Videogum (awesome pop culture video blog that is a sibling site of equally awesome music blog Stereogum) has a series of articles about the Worst Movies of all time. I'm reading this shit and LOLing all over the place. These are my favorites:

Johnny Mnemonic "Cramazing. How did they say LOL in the '90s? Laughing at high volume? I can't even remember that far. Did humans have electricity yet? They make plenty of bad movies these days, but you have to admit that they don't make movies like this anymore. It can't possibly be because we're smarter, so I'm just going to go with the explanation that we've all put our hand on the bad movie stove enough times to not want to get burned anymore. Burned on our eyes."

Lady In The Water "As if the whole movie couldn't possibly be bad enough based on shitty plot, shitty red herrings, and the shittiest waste of Paul Giamatti doing a shitty stutter, M. Night Shyamalan himself has A MAJOR ROLE? Supposedly he tried casting the part, but it was impossible because all the other actors in the world ever were busy so he decided to play it himself."

Battlefield Earth "A movie is made for one or more of the following reasons: To turn a profit. To inform. To entertain. Since Battlefield Earth did none of the above, I'm pretty sure it's not a movie."

Mr. Brooks "The only thing this movie did right was it hit Dane Cook in the face with a shovel. And then it cut Dane Cook's throat open with that shovel. And then it buried Dane Cook in the fucking ground. In interviews, Kevin Costner has suggested that this movie is THE FIRST IN A TRILOGY. I'm going to have to call science, because I don't know if it's even possible to KILL YOURSELF THREE TIMES."

Hudson Hawk "And thus it is with a clear mind, and a guilt-free conscience, having watched the movie in its entirety, that I can say "Oh wow, no, Hudson Hawk is really horrible, you guys." Seriously, someone should have left it in a plastic bag in the girl's bathroom during prom."

if you guys need me, i'll be on the phone with science. enjoy!

2009-01-08T20:35:00.003-05:00

normally i dont go for the edward gorey stuff because, well, i'm not a 13 year old girl who wears all black and carries an emily backpack. but this is funny. more here.

also, in case you didnt get enough last time, i found another amazing cache of trev pictures. ya heard.

anything is possible, INDEED

2009-01-06T23:16:00.003-05:00

thought we lost you, trev. no dice. you just keep popping up all over the place. also, learn how to spell, douche.

me: http://www.facebook.com/s.php?init=q&q=trevor+weisbart&ref=ts&sid=a2a5e6955f411112821f4508635743a2
i think you know what you need to do, ang
Angie: NOOOOOO
how did you fucking find that
me: i was looking for apts for alise and he was the agent on one of them
T-ROCK ENTERPRISESSSSSS
Angie: gahhhhhh
hahahah
fucking kill me
me: i know right
or just fr him
Angie: best thing all day
me: and you guys can be married in like a year
its cool
Angie: anything is possible

2009-01-06T18:45:00.003-05:00

So I'm gonna get totes serious for about five minutes on you guys here. I think I'm gonna stay home from work tomorrow. I kinda hate the idea of burning days off a mere week into the new year, but tomorrow is pretty much the most emo day of my year because it's the day my dad died two years ago. Last year, I decided it would be better to come into work than lay in bed crying. So I sat at my desk crying and everyone was afraid to talk to me because I mean, really, who wants to deal with that shit. I know I wouldn't, either. So then I came home a little early and got into bed for more crying. Stef did bring me some pretty awesome cheese though, so I had a nice 5 minute break from the crying while I shoved cheese down my throat at light speed.

This year, due to a drunken resolution emphasizing positivity or some bullshit, I am determined to do something that will be fun so I won't be in a pissy mood all day. Unfortunately, I live in Chicago and its January, so my options are pretty much limited to ummm drinking. Therefore, tomorrow, I am taking the day off, sleeping in and drinking with a friend for most of the day. If anyone local would like to join us, please feel free.

I'm pretty sure that my dad would be incredibly supportive of me using his death as not only an excuse to skip work, but also an excuse to sit in a dive bar drinking whiskey and quoting lines from Napoleon Dynamite all day.

good conversation with rv today...

2009-01-05T17:40:00.003-05:00

after a mind numbing afternoon discussing the existence of poland, the hilariousness of nick cannon and calling out each other's mothers, we have resorted to fakegoogle.

DumbSpoon: check it
AstraSomeNumber: Your search - carrie voip's virginity - did not match any documents. Did you mean: her exboyfriend's best friend's first time?
AstraSomeNumber: the internet is so fucking amazing
DumbSpoon: hahaha
DumbSpoon: http://www.gooogIe.co.uk/?gid=336511&hl=en&meta=o&q=GGP
DumbSpoon: i could do this all day
AstraSomeNumber: i love fake google so much

Reason 345,056 I should probably just leave the Midwest…

2008-12-30T14:44:00.002-05:00

Got a text from Justin on Sunday that while he was enjoying a nice meal with his family after the Colts game, another ex-boyfriend Mike (ya know the one that introduced me to Justin in the first place) sat down at a nearby table with his family. I don’t know if the two of them sat at the bar for some after dinner drinks and shared horror stories, but I’m sure they both would’ve had ample material for such a meetup. That’s just weird shit. I think I need to move to Tahiti so when shit like this happens, I will, at least, be exceptionally far away from it.

In other exciting news, I went to a new eye doc today who got me into some new contacts that don’t burn my eyes 24/7 and ordered a sweet new pair of glasses. Figured I should get this shit done while I’m still employed.

As mentioned above, I am thinking VERY seriously about a major move this summer to the west coast (not quite Tahiti, but wev) when my lease here in Chicago is up. The only problem is that I hate making major decisions and tend to figure shit like this out at the very last minute. So check back around June 5th, maybe I’ll have figured my life out by then. (doubtfult). Also up in the air is my employment. The decision might be made for me in another couple weeks, so that could be super helpful.

I took a picture of this ad on a bus stop on Belmont and Clark last night because I was gonna blog about it …but elle michelle beat me to it! I love these ads because, it’s funny cuz it’s true. Yeah, Canadian Club is my whiskey of choice pretty much because, damn right, my dad drank it. I can still remember being at this steak house on 82nd called Peters (long since gone) and hearing my dad order his sig drink… “CC and soda please.” Me, I prefer a nice CC and diet. My brother, CC on the rocks. As they say, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

New Years Eve is right around the corner (as in tomorrow) and I’ve done a pretty good job with my ‘08 resolutions. Such a good job, in fact, that I think I’m gonna go ahead and roll NO REPEATS IN ’08 right on over to ’09. Sorry boys, I know you’re all chomping at the bit for a roll in the hay with me, but no dice. (Yes, for the record I am aware there were two horse-themed idioms in one sentence. Fuck)

Okay, I think since i rolled in at 9, took a 2.5 hour lunch and am planning to leave around four, i should probably work for at least an hour today. peaceout, bitches.

christmas was weird this year...

2008-12-26T10:48:00.002-05:00

my mom and i got each other the same purple sweater.

i made res tonight for green zebra and invited stef, aaron and his parents along. everyone thought it was a great idea until aarons brother reminded them that he'd made reservations for everyone to eat there saturday night.

oh yeah, and my mom brought a honey baked ham in her suitcase from atlanta.

dilemma...

2008-12-20T20:05:00.001-05:00

just finished watching season two of lost. so do i...

a. stay in bed watching season three like a crazy person. (also, its snowing outside. a lot)

b. meet up with friends i havent seen in MONTHS for a good night of boozing and fun.

woe is fucking me.

the only person i've ever met who is more self centered than i am...

2008-12-10T14:40:00.003-05:00

Justin is my exboyfriend. We broke up about five years ago after dating (drinking A LOT, throwing things, hysterical crying and removing sharp objects from the other's apartment) on and off for a year and a half. I think we would both agree it was the most miserable year and a half of our lives, but for some reason we continue to talk on a weekly basis and occasionally meet up to get drunk and tell the other how awesomely mature and amazing we've become since breaking up. Clearly, we are both completely full of shit and have to remain friends as we are the two most self-absorbed people in the midwest.

Justin: Did any of your coworkers call in gay today?
me: i don’t think so
why didn’t YOU call in gay today?
Justin: Because fuck you!
And I would just to spite you since there's no "Call in Cunt" day.

...

Justin: I'm sad though
me: because you didnt call in gay?
i'm sorry, maybe you can still leave early
Justin: because you have not mentioned me in your blog in FOUR fucking pages
me: dont cut yourself
you fucking brat
Justin: Ohhhhhhhhhhh
Dude, you've got a bee in your bonnet today!
me: then i will just blog this conversation
i know
i warned you
i'm in a bad mood
Justin: You didn't warn me
I thought you were just being very playful today
Justin: I guess it's easy to confuse whimsical Carrie with rip-your-fucking-balls-off carrie
me: well i twittered that i was angry like five min ago
so you should really be on top of that shit dude

i rarely say this but...

2008-12-09T22:37:00.004-05:00

you guys (mostly beagles who has been insisting i watch for years, and maggie who finally got me to add it to my netflix a few weeks ago) were all totally right. people have been telling me for years and i ignored them. Lost is fucking good. addictive like heroin. i started with the first disc on sunday at the airport in boston and was so addicted i kept going in the fucking cab on the way home o'hare. since then i've been downloading episodes on itunes and watching them on my phone during my commute like a crazy person. the idea of just listening to them while i work has also crossed my mind.

srsly, this shit is good. not as good as mad men or sopranos, but (so far) better than six feet under and boston legal. the only problem i can see is that they will offer no conclusions and the mystery will become more convoluted and i will become irate and possibly start throwing things.

or i will build an imaginary relationship to sexy doctor jack in my mind that could derail my love affair with don draper. at least until mad men season three starts next fall.

Roadtrip Liveblog to PIttsburgh

2008-11-26T17:11:00.012-05:00

4:18 central

Thanks to our incumbent president (and Buck), i have a fancy at&t aircard thing and can blog to you from the backseat of our fine rental car.

We've been on the road about an hour and are probably 12 miles away from Gary Sheffield HQ and are rocking out to the sweet jams of Wolf Parade.

This is Stef driving the Avalon. Go, Stef, go!

This is Aaron. He doesnt have anything to tell you...yet.

Peaceout bitchessssss

4:27

I was just given the assignment of finding an Applebee's at which we can stop for dinner. ewwwwwwww

4:39

Stef pronounces the word "toll" as "tool" and sometimes that is confusing

4:54

Aubrey is posing in playboy. who even wants to see that shit. seriously

6:58 Eastern

No roadtrip is complete without McDonalds

7:17

eeep. aaron's parents flew into mumbai yesterday, but he just got an email and theyre okay.

8:10

"we have to pay a tool in two mahls"

8:17

just entered into OH-IO rocking out to weezer.

8:25

liveblogs just arent that fun when booze isnt involved. conclusion: fail. /liveblog ended